The Dote 6: Out with the fear and in with creativity

Hey friends!

It’s currently 8:58pm and I’m giving myself until 9:38pm to write and send this off. I’ve got an intra-gym competition workout tomorrow morning that I want to be well-rested for to see if I can hit a PR.

I didn’t get to write last week. Even though I have stuff to say I just didn’t make time to sit down and get it all out. I have a tug of war in my head. I want to do my thoughts justice by giving them time to develop on the page, but I’m scared to commit because I know how long that takes.

We’re getting into the busiest time of year. Looking at the calendar, there already isn’t a single weekend from now until Christmas that I don’t have something significant going on. Travel, holidays, family in town, a CrossFit competition, kid birthdays.

At the same time as all the busyness, I am itching to DO so many things. I’m finally picking up creative momentum and I don’t want to stop.

The beginning of this year was a creative struggle for me. I let situations at work, the craziness of having a newborn, a back injury, and a myriad other excuses distract me from thinking big and finding excitement exploring new ideas.

I took a few stabs at adventure, like buying a VO2 Master and starting a VO2 testing business and running the Spartan race, but I kept eventually running back into a wall.

At times I’ve felt like something is sucking away my life force and that I’m just drifting through my life. Not experiencing any major challenges, thankfully, but not contributing to the world either. Just…existing.

I’ve been gradually realizing over the last couple months that a significant driver of my inaction has been fear. Fear of making a mistake, of feeling dumb, of missing out. Fear of not doing something the “right” way or the “most efficient”. Fear of wasting time or money. Fear of what other people might think or say or how they might perceive me. Fear of not being good enough or smart enough or showing enough promise.

The fear builds up inside me and tries to control my thoughts. It tears my ideas down almost as fast as I think of them—long before they make it out of their delicate, infant stages and can stand on their own.

A new idea is more fragile than glass, more helpless than a newborn.

Sometimes I feel like I make a mistake and share ideas with the wrong people. Other times I feel like I make a mistake by not telling anyone.

Starting The Dote was an intentional lunge towards creativity, but almost didn’t happen because I didn’t act quickly enough after inspiration. I remember it was a podcast that spurred the idea, but I don’t remember which one or why.

The idea was fragile because I was scared. I was scared that I’d invite people and that no one would read it. Shoot, I’m equally scared that people will read it, to be honest. What if you all think it’s a complete waste of your time and that I’m an idiot?

I know you’re all good friends, but I feel like there’s probably at least a minimum threshold of cool I need to meet, and what if me publishing The Dote solidifies my place below that threshold? haha.

I tried to launch with the least amount of resistance possible. Just invite a few friends (I don’t have that many anyway). I haven’t even told my parents about The Dote yet, actually, because I was too worried it would somehow change what I write about (sorry, Mom, if you read this sometime in the future).

We’re now on post 6 and I can say that The Dote has been one of the best things I’ve done this year. Writing and getting to interact with you all has inspired me to take more action and push through fear.

It’s given me momentum on a streak of creativity that’s about to get a whoooole lot more intense.

I took a moment to reflect this weekend on the things I’ve done or set in motion in the last couple months:

Started The Dote - sent 5 (soon to be 6) posts.

Finished the Russian Squat Program.

Made my first app with ChatGPT.

Yesterday night Hannah and I hosted our first “mixer” with 16 people from our neighborhood. We read an incredible book called The Two Hour Cocktail Party and decided to throw our own party. It was both terrifying and a little stressful, but so rewarding. I’ll have to write another Dote about that soon.

Tomorrow I start an intense, 5 week writing course called “Write of Passage” that I will commit 10-15 hours/week to so I can become a better writer.

Signed up for a CrossFit competition in December and convinced Jared Vogl to be my partner even though he’s WAY fitter than me, so that’s pretty terrifying.

Went on a podcast with Brad Powell and talked about CrossFit and high performance testing.

And you know what? I’m just getting started. I’ve got something big brewing that’s taking a lot of my time and mental capacity, but it’s going to change my life. And hopefully the lives of a lot of people.

It’s officially 9:46pm now, so I’m past my time limit. Sorry I’m not going to re-read or proofread any of this post. I’ve just gotta ship it.

Hopefully I inspire you to ship something too. Whatever you’re holding back on, just send it. Fight the fear and, as Shia LaBeouf would say, “Do it! Just do it!”

And while you’re at it, hit me with a reply and let me know what it is so that I can cheer you on.